Rabinovich has an appointment with the doctor:
– Doctor! Can you diagnose me with something else? This disease is too expensive.

The pies shop assistant in Odessa:
– Buy some pies, so I don’t worry any more that you are hungry!

— Sara, now we will live in an expensive apartment like you always wanted!
— Oh, Abram I am so happy! You bought a new apartment?
– No, they raised our rent…

Sara Isaakovna from upstairs was screaming at her children so loudly, that even her downstairs neighbor Peter cleaned his apartment and remembered to dress warmly.

— Jascha, we are such unhappy people!
— Fimochka, why do you think so?
We already live by the sea…we don’t even have anywhere to go on vacation!

An old Jew is dying. He asks in a frail voice:
— Is my wife here?
— Yes, dear.
— Are my children here?
— Yes, daddy.
— And my grandkids?
— Yes, grandpa!
– So if all of you are here, who is still in the kitchen that the light is on?

Excuse me, I have a question! Right now, everyone is fighting for their state language. So in this case, what do we, Odessites, stand for?
Our state accent!

– Mother, Lyova said yesterday that I am the most proper girl in all of Odessa! Can we invite him for dinner?
– Absolutely not! We want him to go on thinking that.

Odessa. Mother stands on the balcony and shouts:
– Arkasha! Home!
The son shouts back:
– Am I cold?
– No! You’re hungry!

Two old Jews are taking the number 5 tram down Moldovanka Street. They pass by a house which used to be a brothel before the revolution. One sighs deeply. The second turns to him and says:
– Tell me about it!

Two men meet and one asks the other:.
– You wouldn’t  happen to know where Deribasivska Street is?
– Who me, not know?! It’s you who does not know!

Rosa runs into her friend Tzelia.
– What, you aren’t going to ask me how life is going?
– Rose, how is life?
– Oh, Tzelia, don’t ask!

– Is it true that you always answer a question with a question in Odessa?
– Who told you that?

An old Jew walks out of his house and he sees a huge rainbow hanging over the city.
– ‘Oh, for this they can find the money!’